It aint over until the bearded lady sings – A Eurovision review.

Now that the dust has settled, the flags have all been stored away safely, and those in the glitter cannon rental business sit and ponder how on earth they will make any profit throughout the next 364 days, we say goodbye for another year to the Eurovision song contest. We had laughter (mainly mine), we …

Eurovisually challenged – A Eurovision Song Contest Preview

  Firstly I will get the history part of this piece out of the way, before making some probable ill-judged comments on how backward most of Europe is. The Eurovision song contest is an annual contest held among the member countries of the European Broadcasting Union and has been broadcast onto our television screens every …

A harsh reality.

It’s okay don’t panic, everything is going to be fine. You’ll be very pleased to know that there is a new figure we can all completely hate with every fibre of our being, a figurehead for everything that is wrong with humanity. I became rather concerned when my unrequited loathing for Piers Morgan had softened …

Oh Jackie! An ode to Mrs Stallone.

I have penned this poem in honour of Mrs Jackie Stallone. I felt compelled to write it as her face reminded me of an Albino, melted waxwork of Zsa Zsa Gabor. Oh Jackie, Are you happy? Are you well? Cos we can't tell. Oh Jackie, Your skin looks flappy, Given a burden, From your plastic …

A Hackneyed approach to soap.

Eastenders has always been renowned for it’s Gritty Realism and hard-hitting storylines, I mean Dirty Den died twice and if that’s not realistic enough for you then may I suggest watching something else. So you can imagine my surprise when I read an article in The Telegraph in which the shows executive producer says that …

If music be the food of love then Yoko Ono is the resulting bowell movement.

The 2014 56th Annual Grammy awards has arrived, with the usual blend of winners, losers and microphone abusers, all gathered in downtown L.A’s Staples Centre. The question that was surely at the forefront of most people’s minds (as this is a music award ceremony) was “who will be providing the controversy?” Those with an enquiring …

And the winner is…………

For those of you who didn’t know, like you sir that have gone feral and spend your days eating woodland creatures, or you madam as somebody without the power of sight and hearing, this year’s 70th annual Golden Globes rolled in to a small rural town called California. To be honest I didn’t have any …

An open letter to those Strictly suffering with the clap.

Above - The Strictly Judges let everybody know how many seconds of Brucie's joke telling, they can withstand. Dear Strictly Come Dancing Producers, It has come to my attention that the live studio audience that attend your show, are actively encouraged to clap like mentally ill chimps, during every piece of music. Now while clapping …

Your Father sells DVDs in HELLLLLL!!!!!!!!!

Imagine the scene if you will. Your Aunt Brenda is over from New Zealand for a couple of weeks. You’ve been secretly dreading her arrival and are even less thrilled about her extended stay. Sure, she has a good heart but it’s hard to overlook her constant criticisms of your appearance/current employment/musical tastes etc. They …

Busy writing nothing.

A month into writing this blog and the old grey matter is failing me. What on earth can I write about? Maybe a piece about the horrors of that performance at the VMA’s by that complete twerk Miley Cyrus? Probably not, It’s old news now and to be honest if I have to look at …