Life and other annoyances.
I know it’s only a number but by this time next year I will be forty, and I was still so bummed out about turning thirty that I honestly didn’t see this coming. My thirties have served me up with a smattering of grey hair, a lower back that magically retains fat and a desire …
During the time since I posted my last blog I have devised a very clever little game, to while away those precious hours that should be being used for more constructive pursuits. The rules to this game are very simple. You think of a problem that affects you in some way, from the tiniest …
I’m here to talk to you today about Alien abduction, you know, that thing that happens when extra terrestrial beings force an overweight hillbilly to lie on table and forcefully insert probes into their abductees’ bottom. I naively believed this to be an American problem, as the tales of denim clad farmers being snatched unceremoniously …
It’s okay don’t panic, everything is going to be fine. You’ll be very pleased to know that there is a new figure we can all completely hate with every fibre of our being, a figurehead for everything that is wrong with humanity. I became rather concerned when my unrequited loathing for Piers Morgan had softened …
I can vividly remember that fateful evening as though it were yesterday. I had traveled into London with my girlfriend of the time for an evening of fine dining and cultural stimulation. I remember gazing at her across the grey Formica table as she hungrily slurped the remaining topping from her final slice of Super …
Continue reading "Cheese Release Me. A cautionary tale of perversion and preserves."
I’m a shameful wretch of a man who is gullible and has this overwhelming urge to please, pretty much all of the time. No please don’t disagree because these are the facts. As sure as eggs are eggs and fat people wearing leggings are hideous. How did I come to this startling conclusion you may …
The relationship between human and dogs can be traced back to nearly 14,000 years ago, where bones belonging to both species were found at a burial site at Bonn-Oberkassel in Germany. The findings certainly point towards a domestication partnership, or the site where a set of savage dogs, so full from feasting on human flesh …
The sound of people munching crisps has been revealed in a poll as the most annoying thing in the world. I would imagine that the reoccurring sight of Walker’s poster boy, the jug-eared potato peddler that is Gary Lineker, is a close second. On a side note, I’m still slightly annoyed that I have received …
Sir Thomas Overbury first found the proverb, “Beauty is only skin deep” in a work from the year 1613. The follow up proverb “But what if they have a lot of skin?” was first seen scrawled on a notepad in my living room, just over a week ago. This week I read an article that …
Do you all remember the time that George Michael flooded Somerset? Or the time that Sir Ian Mckellan went to Russia to spread his Gay propaganda and steal a few children? No, neither do I, as these things never happened, yet that doesn’t stop supposedly educated people making equally as preposterous claims. Not content with …
Continue reading "Not the only gay in the Athletes village."
Miserable Musing. 